For the past couple of months I had been feeling restless and stuck; mired in something that my unconscious knew but was not telling me about. I tired my usual practices to pull myself free, only to find myself back in the sludge I thought was holding onto me.
Daily meditation, helped me feel increased peace – for a few hours or maybe a full day after each sit. Meta meditation … may I, you, all beings … be well, happy, filled with joy, peace, love - helped me with increased compassion and forgiveness for others, while still feeling impatientlystuck to myself. Walking and organizing my to-do list got me moving and doing something but I was without motivation and did not move beyond these immediate tasks. With every attempt I made to escape, I slipped backward and began to wonder if this was to be my new normal.
With the support of friends who are great listeners, I was finally able to at least rename my experience. This was resistance! To what I had no clue. I was in the mire that I had created. I was resisting being set free from the slurry of ideas, words and thoughts coming from me. You see, I am a co-creator of own reality. One of my truths is that my thoughts and ideas co-create my life as I send them out to the Universe. When I identified that I was feeling fidgety and immovable, I was requesting that my Higher Power or Higher Self affirm the very conditions I wanted to move away from. I had co-created the very slurry that held me back. When I told myself that I continued to be unable to let the go, I was unable to move forward or backward, up or down or through.
Though difficult and sometimes frightening, “I know I am more than capable of opening my heart to soul work” I thought; and my resistance melted away. Before me was the potential for a deep dive into my intrapsychic terrain; a chance to peel away another layer or two of the spiritual/psychological onion of my soul.
Once I had a new perspective on my circumstance, I was able to beginlooking at my resistant. As I acknowledged my resistance to this sacred invitation, I was gifted with a vision of surrender. This gift came to me the day after I had been with my supportive friends. Remember, I had been feeling stuck and restless for a couple of months. This is how quickly movement toward positive change can come into our lives. As a result I feel joy and relief! Now I am engaged in the opportunity before me. I am on another journey into the depths of my soul where I will learn more about my purpose. I know and trust that the outcome will bring me more deeply into a state of Love as well as to a deeper sense of Wonder about the Cosmos.
In preparation for my diving, l feel so assured that I have taken steps to cut back on activities that take my time and do not feed my soul. I have I’ve lost count of how many emails threads I have unsubscribed to. As my inbox empties Iam looking toward other changes that will allow for a further expansion of my heart. I am more discerning about whoI spend my time with; asking the questions; “Do I look forward to this activity?” and “Will I feel drained or renewed from this interaction?” I am also spending more time alone reading, reflecting, meditating writing in my journal, sketching and listening to the drum as I travel in the underworld on shamanic journeys.
I feel so energized, refreshed and filled with joy. I have faith that I will spend less time with restlessness and stickiness, when they come to visit me next time! And I have faith that they will both call on me again.
Sending you Peace and Joy to this holiday season and into 2017!